Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of October 13, 1875

Overview

The household turns into a day for relatives, including a small evening party in their honor, and R. is in especially merry spirits. Yet beneath the sociability, Lulu’s birthday stirs my old sadness and anxious prayers for H.’s welfare, leaving the autumn evening heavy with uncertainty.

Content

Wednesday, October 13:

Day of relatives; in the evening a little party in honor of our relatives, R. in merriest mood.

A visit to the Feustels gives grounds for at least not feeling too worried. Lulu's birthday filled me with melancholy, how difficult I find it, and shall always find it, to bear this one thought: I am consumed by longings for H.'s welfare. Will a kind God hear me, will Fate prove compassionate, or will everything remain silent and overcast, gray like the autumn skies, dead like the leaves which are now falling? ...