Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of June 19, 1869

Overview

The doctor keeps Cosima in bed, and Richard stays near her reading Eckermann, whose conversations become a source of wisdom and solace. When Richard leaves, despondency returns and she questions whether striving for the impossible has made her wrong. A kind letter and book from Champfleury briefly cheer her, but tears remain her only active relief.

Content

Saturday, June 19:

I had to stay in bed today, the doctor told me. R. is with me most of the time and reads to me from Eckermann. When he is there I always feel good, but once he is gone I am overcome by despondency and weakness; all my acts seem questionable, I ask myself whether I have not been striving for the impossible and through that, because of that, have done the wrong thing. Tears are my only solace, since I cannot be active.

The mail brings a nice letter from Champfleury with a book, Les Chats. I am very happy with the Goethe Conversations; in the weakest and most dismal hours communion with a great and wise man is an infinite solace.