Wednesday, April 23:
The most curious night. R. yesterday sent a message asking if we were to come downstairs. Since the servant delivered this message clumsily, I told R. when I came down that he should not in future give him any more such messages to convey. The fact that, after a separation, I had nothing but that to say to him put him into a rage.
It was late at night, and there was a rehearsal early this morning, so I crept away silent and concerned. In an agony of remorse such as I have seldom known, I prayed to God to grant him a good night in spite of my imprudence. In bitter tears of concern for his health, I felt myself near to the godhead, which is love, and that will help me: it recognizes my need. When I perceived that R. was asleep, my agony dissolved, and I spent the rest of the night in grateful prayer.
I had eaten nothing since one o’clock the previous day and, though feeling somewhat indisposed on account of it, I vowed not to have any breakfast and only to take refreshment after the rehearsal, if R. was not feeling too miserable. How much the remorseful heart feels the need for atonement!
Rehearsal at 10 o’clock, Eroica, much work required. Lunch with Marie Schl. Very pleasant and friendly. Arrival of Frau Schott with Mathilde Maier. Many strangers from all the neighboring towns.