Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of April 3, 1873

Overview

The day closes the sequence with more institutional friction, more delayed work, and more concern about what must soon be announced publicly. Outside pressures from dubious business schemes and unsettled arrangements keep the atmosphere tense. The visit of the dean had briefly introduced a reflective, almost confessional tone, but it cannot overcome the practical reality of illness and postponed progress. What lingers is the sense of a life governed by duty, interruption, and the slow advance of work.

Content

Thursday, April 3:

The good dean visits us in the morning to invite R. to the Thursday gathering at his house. Church and preachers discussed, the dean says, “Everything positive in the Protestant church comes from Rome, otherwise they can think of nothing but struggling in the pulpit with their own doubts and writing learnedly in books about theological details.” He says to me: “I often think of you in the church, what you might be feeling. The consistory find me a burden, none of them like my outlook, they just put up with me because they know I understand my subject.”

R. is not well; at first he does not want to go for a walk with us, then decides he will, since he will feel too melancholy at home. “When shall I be able to get down to my score?” He dictates in the evening.