Cosima's Diaries

Diary Entry of July 3, 1872

Overview

I spent a sleepless night haunted by Dr. Lang’s insults and by the fear that anyone could attack me without consequence, despite my wish to live quietly for R. and the children. Marie Muchanoff telegraphed that she would arrive the next day, which forced a hurried rearrangement of the house and packed the children into a downstairs room. R. was also melancholy, but during a walk he was unexpectedly moved by fireflies in the dark woods and came back comforted, even to the point of tears.

Content

Wednesday, July 3:

Troubled night; Dr. L[ang]’s insults return to my mind, I have the feeling of being utterly without protection or defense, and, determined as I may be to live only within my own four walls, to think and breathe only for R. and the children, nevertheless it seems that anyone can throw mud at me to his heart’s content, a wretched feeling.

Telegram from Marie M[uchanoff] that she is arriving tomorrow, in consequence of which family lunch and grand moving of furniture, since she wishes to live near us and there are no more rooms to be had in the hotel. The children move downstairs, six in one room!

R. is also in melancholy mood, but on returning from his walk he tells me that he felt curiously comforted by fireflies which he saw swarming in the darkness of the woods; he wept in the woods with emotion.