Saturday, August 22:
Two who are truly in love have only one religion, the knowledge of their being in love. Upsets can only occur when this faith falters in some respect: but the least faltering has, for the moment, the effect of total collapse, precisely because here all is of ecstatic tenderness. Only by virtue of this voluptuous tenderness of the awareness is the extravagance of love’s ecstasy possible. The very least estrangement through distraction, taciturnity, ill-humour, the least harshness of expression, a minor rebuke, indeed, hidden indisposition even, or the tiniest untruth such as with any other being scarce attracts notice, immediately, for the afflicted one, puts in question the whole dogma of being in love. As now the most destructive outbursts and terrible conflicts spring from the most trivial causes, they must, by reason of their very violence, soon blow over again completely because each of those involved becomes in turn quickly aware of the immeasurable loss; for never could just part of the love, that is, part of the faith of being in love, be lost — such part, let us say, as could be deemed proportionate to the trivial cause of the upset — but always at once the whole. As a lasting and long-nurtured loving relationship of such a perfect nature must quite essentially be often exposed to those occasions because being constantly in the other’s company must of necessity show and discover more sharply to the lover the poverty and state of affliction of the human individuality, and because here, in loving trust, all caution vanishes which good sense and experience of life impose upon us when we associate with anyone else, so there is only one relief for those deep and violent agitations, and this would seem to be supplied only by the religion of love in the manner in which the Christian has learnt to keep himself in balance by means of his faith in the inexhaustible forbearance of the Redeemer. In every deep-lying, often-recurring and long-lasting hostile conception of the loved one, the lover can do no more, and absolutely no more, than recognize the doubt of his being in love. The most painful thing that can now befall him from this delusion on the part of the loved one, is never to be regarded as emanating from faltering love, but merely from faltering faith in his being in love. Now let him consult with himself and recognize that that which is occurring within his own self, the very thing which is for those reasons tormenting him, and which he is now minded to have to reciprocate, is that very same faith which has begun to falter; but this faltering (which, of course, represents the complete loss), is, in its effect, all the more violent and destructive, as one’s own love is violent and ineradicable. Indeed, perhaps only in recognizing this do we become clearly aware of the love itself which previously was manifest only as joy in being in love. May relief against the upsets of faith now be gained out of this recognition: let it be roughly expressed in that constantly observed commandment: ‘Whatever you encounter from your loved one, be certain that you are loved just as much as you love!’ — (Of this there would seem much still to be said.)