Friday, August 18:
I can only live reasonably if I acknowledge reality and come to terms with it, i.e. put myself completely out of rapport with it. I can and must live only in a kind of cloud. Just as I am solely an artistic being, I can too lead only an artistic existence. Part of which is: hardly having anything to do with people any more; hardly talking at all any more, or merely in jest, never seriously, for that always straightaway becomes painful and useless. If the King assents to my proposals, and as a result I see my life made pleasantly secure unto death, and freed from all care, my thoughts will be only of creating and not any more of working. Then I shall set up full court. Hans will have to take over all ‘working’: school, performances, etc. I shall go on dealing with the world only via him and really only jestingly at that. I shall no longer concern myself with anything direct. Once weekly, court shall be held in my presence: I shall then receive the report of my general and his adjutants: what is accomplished will please me, what is not, will not trouble me, for I shall not have expected it for myself. So that will be the way of it. But with the doctor I shall have agreed a proper diet: I shall then so arrange my day as to derive the greatest possible advantage for my work. That will have to be organized wholly artistically, and then things will proceed as at Versailles under Louis XIV, with most rigid etiquette, as if worked by strings. Ill health must no longer trouble me. Cosima will have always to be near me — ever present: there can be no other way. But we shall never speak, and especially never seriously. Then, I believe, I shall still achieve the full seriousness of my artistic works: but there alone must be the place for seriousness, all else must be light and cheerful. But Cosima will secretly be serious with me too: that goes without saying! —
But she'll show no sign of it. Only Brünnhilde, and all these characters whatever their names are, shall show signs of how seriously it’s all intended. Shall they not? — That’s how it is to be! —
If the King is not able to! Then everything the other way round: then it will be Just ‘working’ — and no creating at all. Then I shall come to you both in your tiny parlour: all day long, commissions, doing things, dealing with people, teaching, giving instructions, talking, and God knows what. But all cheerful, without anger: for I shall then be quite poor, possessing nothing but your letters and Parzival’s, and not even my manuscripts any more: I shall have given everything, everything away. I shall keep only my sick bed: and with that I shall come to you both, Hans will be receiving a better salary, and I shall live on you both just like a beggar. Then it will be all right too: then I shall be able to work a lot, found a school, and all in good spirits. Then — that shall be, and not the other. — Also good! And you will be ever present and allowed to talk much!